Category Archives: Commercial Fishing Family
The Launching of Dungeness Crab Pots AND a New Baby. All at the Same Time. Literally.
George told me today that the Washington Dungeness Crab Fishermen’s Association has a new Facebook page, so I immediately went over and “liked” it. I did some looking around while I was there and could see right away what a great page it is. Updates on the season and the fleet are regular, and Washington Dungeness crab fishermen are also encouraged to post boat and crew pictures.
I love a positive and informative commercial fishing-themed Facebook page (if you do too, check out Commercial Fishing Families & Friends, the Facebook group I started with a couple other commercial fishing wives), so it’s great that the WDCFA has joined the fun.
Speaking of Washington Dungeness crab fishing, George went to a meeting this morning for an update on the season’s start date. We’ve known for a while that the season is going to begin either (roughly) January 15 or January 25. I eagerly awaited word all day as to the firm date, but the only new thing I learned was that we’d all know in 48 hours what the final and official start date will be.
Now, I normally do not get too hung up on the start date of crab season. I know it’s always sometime between December and January, and I just hope each year that G will be around for Christmas. I was a little nervous six years ago when I was expecting Eva, but George was able to be here for her birth on December 12 before leaving shortly after.
A crab season start date of either January 15 or January 25 does not do me any personal good, as that is the exact date range that our third baby is due. Seriously—I’m not kidding. Her due date is January 25 and she will likely be encouraged out slightly before then, hence, the January 15-25 range.
So, I will be waiting impatiently for the next two days until we found out exactly what we’re looking at. I do have plans in case there is no way G can be here; my parents are on board to help with my two children and dog, and I have three friends lined up to keep me company at the hospital and some more who have offered to help following the birth, but it’s still a messed-up situation.
If a five-to-seven-day coastal storm blows through around the due date, making it impossible to crab, that would help. If not, I’ll cross my fingers for a different kind of miracle. Hey, my dad rushed in from salmon fishing in Puget Sound just in time to make it for my birth, and I know someone else who managed to take a sea plane off of his boat in Alaska, fly to shore, get to the airport, fly two hours to his home state, rent a car, drive two more hours home, and made it in time for the delivery of his daughter.
I overheard George talking with Brett today about all of this.
“I’m in a bit of a pickle,” George said.
Um, yes. That’s one way of putting it.
Fingers crossed!
Just a few short weeks left to go! I also received a 3D video today of the baby moving around and looking cute.
Another Great Time at Pacific Marine Expo 2011!
Attending Pacific Marine Expo (also known as Fish Expo) each year is as much a fall tradition in our family as Thanksgiving dinner or choosing a Christmas tree. It is the perfect way for us to kick off the holiday and Dungeness crab seasons, and we always leave the event looking forward to and pumped about all that lies ahead.
This year’s PME brimmed with heightened energy and cheer. There were more vendors than ever, the freebies at each booth were awesome, and almost the entire crew from National Fisherman magazine came out to publish the Show Daily after the show publication was put on hiatus for a couple of years.
I was excited to see the Show Daily back in effect because I have great memories of a decade ago when I ran around the Convention Center with my recorder and notebook, attending PME workshops and listening to speakers, taking notes, then running upstairs to sit down and type it all up into short news bits for the Daily.
I can’t believe what little-to-no-turnover occurs with the editing, publishing, and art gang at National Fisherman. Seriously. Even after ten years, I still see Jerry, Linc, Jen, Michael, and Michael at Fish Expo. These are the original characters that were in place when Jerry Fraser first gave me my fiFrst professional writing gig as a correspondent for the magazine long ago!
So, I feel pretty okay when I see Jerry in the NF booth at PME and make my annual pitch for work I’d like to do or see in the magazine.
“Hey, how’s it going?!” I say. “Great! It’s good! Yep, here’s Eva and Vincent. George is around here somewhere. Yes, Dad’s here, too! I know, crazy, another one on the way, huh? Say, about what we talked about last year, here’s what I was thinking…”
I try Linc next.
“Hey, Linc! Longtime no see! Remember when we ordered those Cosmopolitans years ago? Mmm, those were good. Hey, what do you think about this idea I’ve been working on….?”
I see Jes, who actually took over as senior editor of NF last year.
“Jes! Hi! Great to see you. Magazine looks good! Yep, pregnant! Due in only eight more weeks! Can’t wait! Hey, I wanted to get in touch with you about this thing I’ve been tossing around….”
Then I have a laugh.
“No? Still not interested? That’s okay. I’ll be back again next year!”
We spent all day at PME and saw fishermen we knew, a neighbor or two, a relative, some of George’s longtime/sometime business partners (along with the spec sheet for the new $10 million Bering Sea longliner they’re having built).
We also ran into one of our favorites, Fred Wahl, along with his lovely wife. Of course, Fred Wahl and National Fisherman magazine is how George and I first met. You can read more about that here.
“There they are!” Fred called in our direction when we spotted each other across the aisle. “No strollers this year, eh?” he asked.
That’s when I pointed to my seven-months pregnant tummy.
“Ah!” he said.
The children also had a great time and were incredibly well-behaved. Their first stop was the Xtra Tuff booth, where Eva and Vincent received their free pair of Xtra Tuff boots. They also got t-shirts and red cups at the booth this year, and I came away with two luggage tags made out of my business cards.
George scored a free hooded sweatshirt and ball cap from the Redden Marine Supply booth, I went around collecting tons of pens, and the children collected candy, flashlights, and keychains. George also scooped up lots of tablets with lined paper (including one with his favorite…graph paper!).
The guys at the Toyota Industries booth were especially kind; they let Eva and Vincent sit inside the enclosed forklifts pushing buttons, honking horns, and pulling levers for the better part of an hour. Vincent also had a good time helping the ice-maker demonstration folks pick up renegade ice from the floor.
We spotted a fancy Porsche in the parking garage on our way into the show and again on our way out. “Must be a Deadliest Catch guy,” we said to each other. When I spotted a fellow wearing a Time Bandit jacket during the show, I did wonder for a moment if that Porsche belonged to him!
A great day for all, to be sure. Can’t wait for next year. Even if we’ll be hauling the stroller back out. :)
Operation Christmas Child–A Gift For Everyone.
It comes as no surprise to anyone who knows me, or who has ever read this blog, that I am in love with and so proud of my children. That’s not to say we are always well-behaved or that we don’t test boundaries, ignore rules, or make unwise choices. Of course we do! But I am always proud of their sweetness, their caring hearts, and their desire to do nice things and to love people.
This year at a church event, we learned about Operation Christmas Child, a program in which you obtain an empty shoe box and fill it with gifts to send to a boy or girl somewhere around the world for Christmas. Boxes were provided at the event, so we grabbed two of them. Vincent was responsible for choosing gifts for a boy between the ages of two and four, and Eva became responsible for selecting gifts for a girl between the ages of five and nine.
We went shopping this weekend and each of my children chose gifts they thought a boy and girl would love. They selected hair barrettes, hot wheels, chapstick, toothpaste, toothbrushes, stuffed animals, blankets, colorful socks, and rubber lizards for their boxes. At home, we packed the boxes, printed out labels, and waited for this morning when we took them to church and the kids carried them in to place on a table growing with similar boxes.
I was nearly brought to tears several times this weekend as I watched how excited Eva and Vincent were to choose things for someone across the world, close to their ages, who did not have “as much” in the way of toys and the like as they did. Surprisingly, my children never asked for anything for themselves as we chose gifts for their boxes, and they couldn’t wait to proudly, and with huge smiles, carry their boxes into church.
I tallied up the cost and discovered that each box held $35 worth of product. Of course, that amount could have varied in either direction, depending on where one chose to shop. Now, I’m no math whiz (I was an English major!) but a total of $70 seemed pretty darn reasonable, and worth every penny. When I fill up my vehicle with gas, it costs $70. I took the kids to lunch after we did our box shopping, and that cost $20. We went to the mall, where I dropped way too much money on face and hair products.
Keeping the gift box tally in mind compared to what we spend in an average day was a real eye opener for me.
We aren’t strangers to local and global giving around here, but most of our giving is done anonymously or to places we don’t see the impact first hand or know exactly where the money is going. We sponsor a low-income family in town, contribute to young single mothers, volunteer with a no-kill animal shelter, and George gives to Boy Scouts and the Smile Train. But these are things—except for the animal shelter—for which we simply write checks and never actually see impact.
To see my kids smiling and thoughtfully choosing gifts for other children, to print out labels and watch Eva tape them to the boxes, to look forward to tracking the packages to see where they end up, imagining what joy $35 will bring to each child…incredible.
If you have $15 or $30 lying around, consider grabbing a shoe box and filling it up to send across the world through Operation Christmas Child. Drop off for the boxes runs until November 21!
Eva waiting to pack her box that will be sent to a little girl between the ages of five and nine years old somewhere across the world.
Vincent giving two thumbs up for the box he created that will be delivered to a boy aged 2-4 years in a foreign country.
On the way in to church, a drop-off location for the kids' Operation Christmas Child boxes.
Eva and Vincent were all smiles as they added their boxes to the growing pile on the table. We tracked the gift tags so we'll know to which country their boxes will arrive.
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Love Kingergarten, Hate the Kindergarten Rat Race.
This has been the most peaceful day I’ve had since school started…and oddly, it’s been an awesome day in part because there was no school today. I went to bed last night looking so forward to this morning because I knew we wouldn’t have to rush, rush, rush everyone to “get dressed” and “eat breakfast” and “gather backpacks” and “remember lunches” and hustle everyone out the door, down the stairs, and into the car.
Just like the good ole days, the kids and I got up early but we took the morning slow and easy. No rushing, no panic, no last-minute remembering, no racing. We went to Jazzercise all together, saw our friends, went out for breakfast, and then came home. Later this afternoon we made popcorn, put in a movie, and listened to hail pound against the windows and watched the tree limbs going nuts outside during a perfect fall storm.
I tell you, I just can’t stand all-day, every day kindergarten. I really wish that it was a full day but just three days a week, leaving a mother two week days to spend with her little ones exactly as she (and they) wish. I knew that adjusting to a daily 9-5 school grind was going to be a challenge for this commercial fishing mom and family, and it is.
Getting up early is not a problem, but I find hustling and strict schedules really annoying. Be at school by 8:20 each and every morning of the week…or else. Be at the bus stop by this time in the afternoon…or else. Yesterday, I saw that we were going to be late to school and instead of rushing and ordering my kids around, I chose instead to call Eva’s school.
“Eva will be at school at 9 this morning,” I announced. I know that being late is not a good precedent to set for your children, but I weighed the odds and decided to make the call. Hey, these are my kids, not the school’s. They are still little, I’m seven months pregnant, and darn it, I just did not feel like hurrying everyone.
I cannot wait for the holiday season to get into full swing. I am looking forward to a few days off at Thanksgiving and a couple weeks at Christmas with the children so we can have more time to play and relax and not make every day about being on time, dropping off, picking up, eating dinner, and going to bed. They are only four and five years old! And soon, we will have an infant in tow. How did we become part of the workday grind along with working adults?
The school district and most parents absolutely love all-day, every day kindergarten and I’m well aware that my view on the matter is in the minority. I understand the reasoning for the school district implementing all-day, every day kindergarten and I’ve listened to and read all of the arguments on both sides. But this is my blog and I can spout my opinion here…so here it is. I am one mom who does not like it. At all.
I’m glad that today, for one day during the week, we got a break from the elementary school rat race and I had both of my children home to spend time with and enjoy.
Speaking of the holiday season (and moving on from the topic of school—it is Friday, after all!)…it’s not only the holiday season, but it’s pre-Dungeness crab season, too! G and the crew are on the boat working hard each day getting it all ready to go. George has been working on the boat by himself for the last two months, so I love it when the crew rolls into town with their help.
Here are a few pictures of the last couple weeks…
First things first, get the boat back in the water.
Quick time out to celebrate Halloween and go trick or treating…
Back on the boat to keep getting ready for the crab season…
Foster a precious pitbull named Ryder….
Dream of next spring’s Florida or Hawaiian beach vacation, as Eva and her iPhone sketches seem to be doing as well.
Poor Me, Poor Me, Pour Me a Drink…
Friday iPhone Fun almost didn’t happen at the Schile house. Yesterday morning as I was leaving to take Eva to kindergarten, Vincent to preschool, and myself to teach Jazzercise, G announced that he wasn’t going to be able to meet me at the AT&T store that afternoon.
“Wait,” I said. “WHAT?!”
“I can’t get away,” he said. “We’ll have to go tomorrow.”
“No!” I said. “We have to go today! They’ll be gone tomorrow! It’s important!”
“It’s not important,” he said, looking straight at me.
“I’ve been waiting for two years and I’ve done all the research,” I said. “It’s important to me!”
As I left the kitchen, I added one more comment. “You’re mean!”
The conversation, not off to an admirable start (I think I’ve been hanging around too many kindergartners), only went south from there. Now, I normally pride myself on not whining, not begging, and not making people feeling guilty for things they have to do.
Not this time.
I pulled out all the stops. I mentioned the way my back feels like it’s broken every day. That I’m six months pregnant and still throwing up. I’m not sleeping well. I don’t ask for anything. I’ve been miserable for six months. I haven’t had any down time lately…
I know: Poor me, poor me, pour me a drink….(if only!!)
Anyway, as shameless as it all was, I guess G decided that losing two hours of work was not worth sending his pregnant wife over the edge for. In the end, he met me at the phone store and we each came away with the new iPhone 4S. I then spent the rest of the day and night as planned, loading my apps, learning the new features, playing around with the camera, and getting my old iPhone all set up for the kids with more games and learning activities.
Not my proudest day, to be sure. But sometimes a pregnant wife has to do what a pregnant wife has to do, and it isn’t always pretty. ;)
"Okay, you got your new phone, I'm posing for a picture...now will you please go away?"
Vincent couldn't understand why we wouldn't let him climb onto the boat this time.
There's G climbing up the ladder, back to work on refrigeration as soon as his annoying wife leaves the shipyard. :)
Fishing Mommy Down (But Not Out!)
It’s a day on the couch for me. Here’s a bit of advice; if you have a cough that lingers for a week and is not suppressed or helped in any way by cough medicine or Musinex, you might want to go to the doctor. Especially if you are in the middle of a pregnancy.
Don’t give your strange cough seven days, then ten, and then fourteen, thinking it’s got to get better at some point! By the time you enter your third week of gagging, throwing up, and coughing, you might find out what you really had to begin with was viral bronchitis. And when viral bronchitis doesn’t get treated, it becomes bacterial bronchitis. And when that goes untreated, it becomes walking pneumonia….which is what I have now and why I’m on the couch with doctor’s (and husband’s) orders to REST!
I “should have” gone in to the doctor a long time ago, but I’m not an alarmist and I figured it was a simple back-to-school cough that would go away soon. It will go away soon now that I’m on antibiotics and prescription cough syrup.
When you’re a mom of active children, though, what can you do? You keep going. We had school and preschool to get to, open houses, ballet, gymnastics, Jazzercise, and church. We aren’t super busy but we do enjoy these activities and I certainly can’t sit around when we have things to do.
I’m accustomed to keeping going without a lot of help no matter how I’m feeling because that’s what a fishing mom does. Nobody is going to come over to get Eva dressed for ballet, or convince Vincent to eat his breakfast, and there’s no way I’m missing the open house and potluck at school.
G is a huge help when he’s here, but he’s back to work at the harbor and the boat. He had the boat hauled out for bottom painting and is also working on an overhaul of the refrigeration in preparation for the Dungeness crab season.
I did suddenly start to feel bad for the new baby, though, like I wasn’t taking good care of her. My tummy started to pull and hurt when I coughed, and I worried that if it was bacterial, that would definitely not good for a baby. To help ease my guilt I finally went and bought a pink baby book for her and a frame for one of her ultrasound pictures. Then, when G told me to call the doctor, I agreed it was probably time!
Onward and upward. Let the antibiotics and cough medicine do the trick and Mommy will be up and running again in no time.
"Dad, I think the leak is right here. If we could just tighten up this socket a bit..."
"Aw, let's just forget it and go have a popsicle instead."
Adding the first picture of the third child to the family collection.
No Place Like the Beach House
I am not one of those people who winds down easily and naturally after a vacation, looking forward to home and my own bed; on the contrary, I feel sad when our trips draw to a close and we must pack up our things and head back to the real world.
I love being away from e-mail, appointments, running around, and my desk of bill piles, computers, and calendars.
In particular, I enjoy spending time here at my parent’s beach house where the living is slow, quiet, and simple. We are a short walk through the dunes to the Pacific ocean where we can play on a huge, isolated, wondrous stretch of beach. (Yesterday, someone’s commercial crab buoy washed ashore as the kids built sand castles!) At night, we bunker in and fall peacefully asleep without worry or anxiety. Cell coverage is blissfully sporadic and Internet access dicey.
I tease George all the time and tell him we should move here to the coast. In fact, there’s a house for sale right in front of us. He can easily homeport our boat at one of the commercial harbors, I can open a little Jazzercise studio, and the kids can go to school.
What’s not to like about that plan?
Plenty, according to G. So, I’m spending our last couple of days here not thinking about the obligations, stacks of e-mails, the start of the school year and impending start of crab season that await us at home. I’m going to finish reading my book (my second since we arrived!) and enjoy each second we have left together in our little family hideaway.
Thanks, Mom and Dad, for providing such a place for us all to truly get away all these years!
Slow Down, World. You’re Moving Too Fast For Mommy.
I have not slept well at all for the last month and I’ve been more jittery than usual during the day. (No, it isn’t from alcohol withdrawal due to my being pregnant! LOL.) It’s because I don’t deal very well with change and everything is changing at a pace I’m not comfortable with.
First, the end of summer vacation. It hasn’t been much of a vacation as our weather did not cooperate this year, but still. In about two weeks, my first-born baby is headed to kindergarten and my second-born baby will be in preschool each day. This means that for the first time since I actually held a “real” job (eleven years ago), I will be getting up at 6 a.m. each day to get us all ready for the long day ahead. Five days a week, every week, for the next nine months.
It’s not that I can’t get up early; it’s more that I like the freedom of taking our mornings nice and easy, choosing our pace and deciding how to spend the day. We’ve always had some obligation (Jazzercise, Eva’s preschool) but nothing we were absolutely compelled to do or for which we required permission to miss.
A few months ago, when our school district went to all-day, every day kindergarten, we balked. We started looking into private kindergartens and did a lot of research. In the end, we opted for public school as Eva was set to attend a very small, reputable, nearby, historic 1920s elementary kindergarten in our neighborhood. In addition, her best friend was attending the same school which thrilled Eva. We toured the school, met the kindergarten teachers, saw the cafeteria, met the librarian, and turned in all her paperwork.
Last week, I got a call notifying me that there had been a mistake and in fact, after all that, Eva was not actually attending that school!
As it turns out, our house is literally on the border between two schools and we are supposed to go to the other one. (If we lived in our neighbor’s house, we’d be at the first school.)
I started tossing and turning all night, wondering whether to transfer Eva to the school we thought we were going to or simply have her attend the school she’s supposed to. I made calls to each school and the district and decided it would not be worth the hassle to have her transfer. I’d have to renew the transfer every year in March and wait months to see if it was approved, so we’d never know until August each year where she was going to school. There would also be no guarantee she’d stay at the school throughout her elementary years or that Vincent would go with her to the same school next year or in years to come.
Way too much of a pain.
So, Eva’s going to the school she’s supposed to attend. What I like about the “new” school is that it is even smaller than the original one! It’s a tiny, even more historic (1904) old schoolhouse atop a hill just four streets over from the first school. Her kindergarten teacher is a gal I even know who is just a few years older than me. She was actually a teaching assistant in one of my college classes while she was getting her Master’s and I was getting my Bachelor’s.
In addition, her husband is a commercial fisherman and they have three daughters, making them a fishing family like us. I was even on the same salmon seine crew with her husband years ago on my dad’s boat up in Southeast Alaska!
I feel comfortable knowing Eva will be in the hands of someone I know personally and who understands our lifestyle and Daddy’s comings and goings. Between G’s rigorous fishing schedule and the impending arrival of a new baby in January, Eva has a big year ahead and I like that I won’t have to keep explaining to someone exactly the way we operate.
So, I’m filling out Eva’s kindergarten paperwork and assessment information, Vincent’s preschool paperwork, getting the kids to the doctor for appointments and vaccinations, and trying not to feel anxious about Wednesday September 7, when we find out if this new baby is a girl or a boy.
Oh, and did I mention I’m also trying to get used to the idea of selling my fun little Infiniti G 35x? That’s right. Eva, Vincent and I currently cruise all over town in my sporty car, but it will be too tight with three kids/carseats and a momma.
Bye bye, little car.
George and I have researched several seven-passenger SUVs, crossovers, and mini vans for the kids and me. We’ve looked at, test driven, and considered the Toyota Sequoia, Highlander, and Sienna, the Honda Odyssey and Pilot, the Acura MDX, the three-row Volvo, and the Ford Flex.
The good news right now is we are escaping town and my Mom’s Plan-It desk calendar for a week before the madness begins. We’re going to bunker in at the coast where we don’t have Internet or cell coverage. Hello to my parent’s beach house, my books, bacon and sourdough toast for breakfast, and wearing jammies all day. Can’t wait! :)
Here are a few pictures from the last month or two; as usual, the picture quality isn’t very good because my iPhone is a couple years old. The iPhone 5 is supposedly coming out in October so I’m still holding out for that version, as it comes with an 8 mega pixel camera and flash.
Eva with the map of Puget Sound she created at art camp.
Eva's map featured the Strait of Georgia, which we told her helped Daddy find his way home from Alaska! :)
My little pirates at our friend Danielle's pirate birthday party in July.
The scariest face painting I've seen in a while, courtesy of the farmer's market at the Village Green.
Bike helmets and jammies on a summer morning. What could be more fun?
Vincent's little John Deere 4th birthday party in July.
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G Has Arrived…Will Summer Follow Suit?
Well, I’ve finally made it to the second trimester, but I’m not feeling any improvement in yucky pregnancy symptoms yet. I feel awful most days, which accounts for the continuing delay in blog posts! The good news is that so far, all blood tests and ultrasound measurements show a healthy little baby in the works, so that is a relief.
In each ultrasound, the baby’s been flipping and twirling around, which is amazing to see. At the last one, the baby even appeared to give me an excited wave with its tiny hand before the machine was shut down. I keep that image in my mind when I start feeling sick and frustrated. I won’t be able to find out whether it’s a girl or a boy for seven more weeks.
George and the crew arrived home last Saturday. They arrived in port accompanied by rolling thunder several hours earlier than expected. I knew they were going to be early, but I was a bit startled when I looked out my window and saw the boat coming across the bay. You couldn’t miss it; the rows of bright orange buoys tethered on top of the substantial steel shack can be spotted miles away.
My heart pumped with excitement as the kids and I flew out the door, down the stairs, and into the car in a race to the finish. Who would be the first to arrive at the harbor; George or me?! George won by less than ten minutes.
The next day, they unloaded the final halibut delivery (George took some pictures for me, seen below) and the kids and I went down to visit later in the afternoon. Vincent has been asking to drive the boat for the past few months, so G waited for us before moving the boat over to its normal spot in the harbor.
The kids wore their life jackets and boarded the boat, settling into the wheelhouse with Dad. The crew was cute and played along; after the lines were untied and they were ready to move away from the dock, Bryan yelled “All clear, Vincent!” up to the wheelhouse. That made me laugh.
I met them over at the dock across the harbor where I climbed aboard. Johnny showed the kids around the deck and answered their questions and Brett gave them donuts while we all got caught up on the past few weeks and months.
The post halibut/blackcod gear work finished up in what seemed record time, and the crew was picked up by friends, girlfriends, and wives within four days. Now, if our summer would only begin…it’s cloudy, windy, and cold today. Vincent has a bad cold and stayed home from preschool. I love November in July!
Benefits of Being Married to a Long Distance Spouse
Everyone knows—or can at least imagine—how difficult it is to be married to someone who is gone more often than he is home. Some spouses are gone during the week and home on weekends, some are gone for three months and home for nine, others are gone for nine and home for three.
We’re all aware of the difficulties of being responsible for each meal, clean-up, laundry, running around, paying bills, feeding animals, maintaining exercise, making beds, shopping for and putting away groceries, and filling the vehicles with gas. By ourselves, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
I was thinking about this last week, when the lawn mowing service was set to come and I needed to get in the backyard and clean up the dog poop before they arrived so they would mow it.
I put on my dog poop shoes, grabbed the shovel, and entered the section of the yard designated “dog yard”. I was three piles into it when my eleven-week-old pregnancy hormones kicked in along with the smell and sight of my work, and I began throwing up. Repeatedly.
“It’s okay, Mommy!” my five-year-old Eva called. “I’ll go get you some water! Just stay there!”
“It’s okay, Honey!” I called to her, eyes blurry from tears and nose running, still gagging. “Mommy’s okay. But can you get me some tissue, too?”
I stood heaving next to the shovel for the two minutes my daughter hustled to help me out. I thought about stopping my task, as it obviously wasn’t going well. But I quickly remembered the lawn service won’t mow over the poop, and then I’d be stuck with overgrown grass and even more poop later.
Next, I thought about the dinner that still needed to be made, teeth that needed brushing, dishes that had to be cleaned, and the tuck-in and prayers that needed to be said. All still ahead of me, and I was the only one who was there to do it.
So, of course, I did it. A couple days later, as I reflected on that especially long day and evening, I thought it would be fun to play a game and see how many positive aspects of married single motherhood I could come up with. The following is my list.
Benefits of Being Married to a Long Distance Spouse
1. I’m Perfectly Capable of Doing Things Alone. I have no problem talking to doctors, looking at ultrasounds, getting kids to birthday parties, and attending functions by myself. I can shut the house down and get everyone into bed, snuggled and peaceful, all by myself. I can also get everyone up, fed, dressed, and out the door in the morning. Not saying that’s without a certain amount of raised voices or whatnot, but I get it done!
2. I Have Physical Strength. I can haul eight bags of groceries up my stairs, four in each hand, and then walk back down the stairs to retrieve sleeping children and pack them up the stairs one by one and lay them on the couch to continue their naps without waking.
3. I Value Women’s Friendships. I enjoy talking to my Jazzercise friends, fishing moms, preschool teachers, ballet and gymnastics moms, writers, bloggers, book group moms, and online moms who all offer so much support, encouragement, advice, and humor on all aspects of parenting.
4. I Enjoy Lots of Snuggle Time with the Kids. Each morning, we sit together on our extra-wide recliner to drink milk and coffee and watch the news. At night, we sit together on Eva’s bed for prayers, a song, and a group hug. I get the privilege of enjoying all this bonding and memory-making.
5. I Can Make My Own Decisions. If I constantly waited for G’s input or go-ahead to do things, I would do absolutely nothing. I’ve adopted two dogs, fostered dogs, purchased a couch and a chair, and looked at potential houses to buy all on my own. While I wouldn’t make any major decisions alone, G has full faith in my ability to make good decisions and to act on them.
6. I Am Available to Attend All of the Kids’ Activities. I’ve never had to miss a ballet performance, gymnastics show, preschool graduation, or swimming lesson. We have also taken road trips together, just the three of us, and have a good time listening to music, stopping for food, and making up new jokes.
7. I Have Total Remote Control. At night, I can flop on the couch and catch up on all the programs I like but that totally annoy G when he’s home.
8. My Kids Have a Special Bond With Their Grandparents. They absolutely love spending time with my parents. My dad recently spent a week building them a playground in the backyard, complete with an extra slide, telescopes, monkey bars, swings, and ship’s wheels. My mom took them to the mall last weekend to get pictures taken with their cousin and rode the mall train with them a time or two.
9. I Get To Hear All the Funny Things They Say. I laugh and then record in a journal their sweet little sayings. A couple of recent gems:
“You aren’t as smart as me, but you’re still a sweet Mommy.” –Eva, 5.
“You guys are ballerinas. We are working mans.” —Vincent, 4, referring to Eva and me, Daddy and him.
10. I’m Always Grateful for G’s Help When He’s Home. Each and everything he does to help out is huge, no matter how small or large the task, and I’m grateful not to have to “do everything.” Taking out garbage, sorting recycling, emptying the dishwasher…it’s all noticed and appreciated!
11. My Marriage is Never Boring or Annoying. Each time G arrives home from a fishing season is a momentous occasion of celebration. And because he’s not usually here for long after he does arrive, each hour and day and week is spent just happy to be together again. We never repeat conversations, badger each other, or become bored. There’s just no time!
Fishing marriages either disintegrate quickly or last forever. After eleven years of being together and nine years of marriage, I’m grateful that we’re as excited to see and spend time with each other as we were following the day we met.
12. My Kids Learn How to Get Along. The children are aware that it’s just them and me holding down the fort when Dad’s gone, so we have to cooperate and get along. If we say or do anything regretful, we quickly apologize, forgive, and move on. If the day was a total disaster, we sit together before bed and talk about how each new morning is a fresh chance to start over, try again, and do better.
13. My Kids’ Daddy Is a Hero. The kids ask every day about their dad. They want to know where he is, what he’s fishing for, who’s on the crew, when he’s bringing the boat home. When Daddy comes home, he’s their hero and he fills their little worlds with amazement, joy, and excitement. Then I get to sit back, relax, and let the three of them create their own memories and strengthen their bonds.
