Blog Archives
Relying on Grace.
We knew December was going to be a tough month around here; getting ready for the Dungeness crab season, celebrating Eva’s sixth birthday, preparing for Christmas, entering the final weeks of pregnancy, and doing a major bedroom overhaul here at home was never going to be smooth or easy.
Unfortunately, we had no choice but to do everything in four short weeks and it has been as overwhelming and tiring as we anticipated. There have been some highlights; our friend and neighbor’s help with the room switch, Eva’s birthday party turning out better than I’d hoped, and receiving Christmas cards from friends and family have all been little spurts of joy throughout.
I’m probably a little more burned out than usual because I’m on new medication for the last four weeks of this pregnancy that makes me nauseous and tired. Of course, I’ve felt that way from the very beginning so it’s not a real change for me…just that I’d hoped for some relief before the birth.
At one of my three-times-a-week doctor appointments, I finally asked one of the nurses why this pregnancy has been so much more difficult than the others.
Is it my age? Is it the being watched like a hawk by medical staff that’s a spirit-dampener? Is it the mental challenge for someone who doesn’t deal well with surprise or change? Is it from exhaustion having two energetic children already at home? The physical strain of a third pregnancy?
Most likely, it’s all of it. There is really nothing to do but see the rest of these few weeks out with as much grace as possible and hope for the best when it’s time to deliver.
Speaking of which; we still don’t know whether George will be here for the event. As you know, the baby is due on January 25. We finally received word that the official start date for the Dungeness crab season is January 24. For those of you that don’t know, that means they’ll set gear (dump 500 crab pots) about three days before, which is January 21. In order to get to the boat and out to the middle of the ocean, George will leave home on January 19.
My best hope is that the baby up and decides to make her way out by herself on January 15.
We do have an alternate captain scheduled to take the wheel and relieve George for a couple of weeks during the crab season, but George absolutely has to be there for the first setting of 500 crab pots. There are hundreds of thousands of dollars at stake, the safety of crew, and several families with children all depending upon getting the season off to the best financial and safest start possible.
If the crab season had begun when it usually does, around the first of January, George could have set the first critical round of pots, got the season started, and then handed it off to the relief captain and come home for the baby.
However, the season starting so late in the month put a big wrench in that plan. As I said, all I can do is stay calm, have a plan in place, and try to see these last few weeks through with as much grace as I can muster.
I want to take a minute and pay a small blog tribute to my old Southeast Alaska fishing friend, Monte, who passed away suddenly and tragically this week of a heart attack at the age of thirty-two. Upon learning this news, I literally doubled over and sobbed, unable to believe or comprehend what happened. I was sure my eyes were tricking me, that it was some terrible joke or hoax.
Of course, it wasn’t.
Monte, who leaves behind a wife and six-month-old baby, was the sweetest, toughest, kindest, most original character you’d be lucky to know. At his funeral yesterday, I think everyone felt comfort that the music, stories, pictures, and video perfectly captured Monte’s authentic spirit and person. His love of fishing, the outdoors, creativity, wife, baby, friends, and helpful nature were all represented at his final departure from shore.
Rest in peace, dear Monte. You will never be forgotten.
The Launching of Dungeness Crab Pots AND a New Baby. All at the Same Time. Literally.
George told me today that the Washington Dungeness Crab Fishermen’s Association has a new Facebook page, so I immediately went over and “liked” it. I did some looking around while I was there and could see right away what a great page it is. Updates on the season and the fleet are regular, and Washington Dungeness crab fishermen are also encouraged to post boat and crew pictures.
I love a positive and informative commercial fishing-themed Facebook page (if you do too, check out Commercial Fishing Families & Friends, the Facebook group I started with a couple other commercial fishing wives), so it’s great that the WDCFA has joined the fun.
Speaking of Washington Dungeness crab fishing, George went to a meeting this morning for an update on the season’s start date. We’ve known for a while that the season is going to begin either (roughly) January 15 or January 25. I eagerly awaited word all day as to the firm date, but the only new thing I learned was that we’d all know in 48 hours what the final and official start date will be.
Now, I normally do not get too hung up on the start date of crab season. I know it’s always sometime between December and January, and I just hope each year that G will be around for Christmas. I was a little nervous six years ago when I was expecting Eva, but George was able to be here for her birth on December 12 before leaving shortly after.
A crab season start date of either January 15 or January 25 does not do me any personal good, as that is the exact date range that our third baby is due. Seriously—I’m not kidding. Her due date is January 25 and she will likely be encouraged out slightly before then, hence, the January 15-25 range.
So, I will be waiting impatiently for the next two days until we found out exactly what we’re looking at. I do have plans in case there is no way G can be here; my parents are on board to help with my two children and dog, and I have three friends lined up to keep me company at the hospital and some more who have offered to help following the birth, but it’s still a messed-up situation.
If a five-to-seven-day coastal storm blows through around the due date, making it impossible to crab, that would help. If not, I’ll cross my fingers for a different kind of miracle. Hey, my dad rushed in from salmon fishing in Puget Sound just in time to make it for my birth, and I know someone else who managed to take a sea plane off of his boat in Alaska, fly to shore, get to the airport, fly two hours to his home state, rent a car, drive two more hours home, and made it in time for the delivery of his daughter.
I overheard George talking with Brett today about all of this.
“I’m in a bit of a pickle,” George said.
Um, yes. That’s one way of putting it.
Fingers crossed!
Just a few short weeks left to go! I also received a 3D video today of the baby moving around and looking cute.
Another Great Time at Pacific Marine Expo 2011!
Attending Pacific Marine Expo (also known as Fish Expo) each year is as much a fall tradition in our family as Thanksgiving dinner or choosing a Christmas tree. It is the perfect way for us to kick off the holiday and Dungeness crab seasons, and we always leave the event looking forward to and pumped about all that lies ahead.
This year’s PME brimmed with heightened energy and cheer. There were more vendors than ever, the freebies at each booth were awesome, and almost the entire crew from National Fisherman magazine came out to publish the Show Daily after the show publication was put on hiatus for a couple of years.
I was excited to see the Show Daily back in effect because I have great memories of a decade ago when I ran around the Convention Center with my recorder and notebook, attending PME workshops and listening to speakers, taking notes, then running upstairs to sit down and type it all up into short news bits for the Daily.
I can’t believe what little-to-no-turnover occurs with the editing, publishing, and art gang at National Fisherman. Seriously. Even after ten years, I still see Jerry, Linc, Jen, Michael, and Michael at Fish Expo. These are the original characters that were in place when Jerry Fraser first gave me my fiFrst professional writing gig as a correspondent for the magazine long ago!
So, I feel pretty okay when I see Jerry in the NF booth at PME and make my annual pitch for work I’d like to do or see in the magazine.
“Hey, how’s it going?!” I say. “Great! It’s good! Yep, here’s Eva and Vincent. George is around here somewhere. Yes, Dad’s here, too! I know, crazy, another one on the way, huh? Say, about what we talked about last year, here’s what I was thinking…”
I try Linc next.
“Hey, Linc! Longtime no see! Remember when we ordered those Cosmopolitans years ago? Mmm, those were good. Hey, what do you think about this idea I’ve been working on….?”
I see Jes, who actually took over as senior editor of NF last year.
“Jes! Hi! Great to see you. Magazine looks good! Yep, pregnant! Due in only eight more weeks! Can’t wait! Hey, I wanted to get in touch with you about this thing I’ve been tossing around….”
Then I have a laugh.
“No? Still not interested? That’s okay. I’ll be back again next year!”
We spent all day at PME and saw fishermen we knew, a neighbor or two, a relative, some of George’s longtime/sometime business partners (along with the spec sheet for the new $10 million Bering Sea longliner they’re having built).
We also ran into one of our favorites, Fred Wahl, along with his lovely wife. Of course, Fred Wahl and National Fisherman magazine is how George and I first met. You can read more about that here.
“There they are!” Fred called in our direction when we spotted each other across the aisle. “No strollers this year, eh?” he asked.
That’s when I pointed to my seven-months pregnant tummy.
“Ah!” he said.
The children also had a great time and were incredibly well-behaved. Their first stop was the Xtra Tuff booth, where Eva and Vincent received their free pair of Xtra Tuff boots. They also got t-shirts and red cups at the booth this year, and I came away with two luggage tags made out of my business cards.
George scored a free hooded sweatshirt and ball cap from the Redden Marine Supply booth, I went around collecting tons of pens, and the children collected candy, flashlights, and keychains. George also scooped up lots of tablets with lined paper (including one with his favorite…graph paper!).
The guys at the Toyota Industries booth were especially kind; they let Eva and Vincent sit inside the enclosed forklifts pushing buttons, honking horns, and pulling levers for the better part of an hour. Vincent also had a good time helping the ice-maker demonstration folks pick up renegade ice from the floor.
We spotted a fancy Porsche in the parking garage on our way into the show and again on our way out. “Must be a Deadliest Catch guy,” we said to each other. When I spotted a fellow wearing a Time Bandit jacket during the show, I did wonder for a moment if that Porsche belonged to him!
A great day for all, to be sure. Can’t wait for next year. Even if we’ll be hauling the stroller back out. :)
Love Kingergarten, Hate the Kindergarten Rat Race.
This has been the most peaceful day I’ve had since school started…and oddly, it’s been an awesome day in part because there was no school today. I went to bed last night looking so forward to this morning because I knew we wouldn’t have to rush, rush, rush everyone to “get dressed” and “eat breakfast” and “gather backpacks” and “remember lunches” and hustle everyone out the door, down the stairs, and into the car.
Just like the good ole days, the kids and I got up early but we took the morning slow and easy. No rushing, no panic, no last-minute remembering, no racing. We went to Jazzercise all together, saw our friends, went out for breakfast, and then came home. Later this afternoon we made popcorn, put in a movie, and listened to hail pound against the windows and watched the tree limbs going nuts outside during a perfect fall storm.
I tell you, I just can’t stand all-day, every day kindergarten. I really wish that it was a full day but just three days a week, leaving a mother two week days to spend with her little ones exactly as she (and they) wish. I knew that adjusting to a daily 9-5 school grind was going to be a challenge for this commercial fishing mom and family, and it is.
Getting up early is not a problem, but I find hustling and strict schedules really annoying. Be at school by 8:20 each and every morning of the week…or else. Be at the bus stop by this time in the afternoon…or else. Yesterday, I saw that we were going to be late to school and instead of rushing and ordering my kids around, I chose instead to call Eva’s school.
“Eva will be at school at 9 this morning,” I announced. I know that being late is not a good precedent to set for your children, but I weighed the odds and decided to make the call. Hey, these are my kids, not the school’s. They are still little, I’m seven months pregnant, and darn it, I just did not feel like hurrying everyone.
I cannot wait for the holiday season to get into full swing. I am looking forward to a few days off at Thanksgiving and a couple weeks at Christmas with the children so we can have more time to play and relax and not make every day about being on time, dropping off, picking up, eating dinner, and going to bed. They are only four and five years old! And soon, we will have an infant in tow. How did we become part of the workday grind along with working adults?
The school district and most parents absolutely love all-day, every day kindergarten and I’m well aware that my view on the matter is in the minority. I understand the reasoning for the school district implementing all-day, every day kindergarten and I’ve listened to and read all of the arguments on both sides. But this is my blog and I can spout my opinion here…so here it is. I am one mom who does not like it. At all.
I’m glad that today, for one day during the week, we got a break from the elementary school rat race and I had both of my children home to spend time with and enjoy.
Speaking of the holiday season (and moving on from the topic of school—it is Friday, after all!)…it’s not only the holiday season, but it’s pre-Dungeness crab season, too! G and the crew are on the boat working hard each day getting it all ready to go. George has been working on the boat by himself for the last two months, so I love it when the crew rolls into town with their help.
Here are a few pictures of the last couple weeks…
First things first, get the boat back in the water.
Quick time out to celebrate Halloween and go trick or treating…
Back on the boat to keep getting ready for the crab season…
Foster a precious pitbull named Ryder….
Dream of next spring’s Florida or Hawaiian beach vacation, as Eva and her iPhone sketches seem to be doing as well.
Jen’s Friday Favorites
I haven’t done a Jen’s Friday Favorites list in a while. It’s been another long and exhausting week (TGIF!) so I thought I’d head into the weekend leaving the annoying parts of the week behind and focusing on the good. So, in random order…
Jen’s Friday Favorites
1. Dropping Eva off at kindergarten earlier this week. We were a few minutes late (again)and missed the bell to line up, so I walked Eva upstairs to her classroom. My heart melted when, as I watched Eva get settled, her classmates began smiling and waving at me, calling “Hi, Eva’s mom! Hi, Eva’s mom!”
2. Laughing with my friend Stacie as we watch our children at gymnastics every Thursday night. Stacie and I are former competitive gymnasts ourselves (we were also wrestling cheerleaders together in high school…and come to think of it, we both currently teach aerobics…weird!). Anyway, we love to watch the advanced gymnasts and say things like, “Wow, if only we’d had fancy equipment and training like they do now, we could have gone so much further…”
We also crack up over any and everything from our week as we sit on the bleachers. No matter how tough my day or week might be, I continue to chuckle all the way home after gymnastics night and feel so much better. (Holla!)
3. Seeing my friend Kim and Vincent’s teachers when I drop Vincent off at preschool. I love hearing reports from the teachers about Vincent’s progress and I always share a laugh or two with Kim about the kids, our husbands, my poor baby girl on the way who still has no name, and otherwise.
Kim is currently writing some articles for her line of work (education) and I can’t resist calling out annoying things to her when I arrive at preschool and see her sitting in her SUV doing some quick editing on her work.
“Change word,” I say as she rolls down her window. “Add apostrophe. Spell out word contraction. New line. Add paragraph. Check thesaurus.” Of course, I only tease because I spend most of my time in between pick ups and drop offs doing the exact same thing!
3. My new pitbull foster dog, Ryder. When the call came out describing Ryder’s need for care and shelter, something about him caught my attention. It’s not the most ideal time to foster a new dog, with me being seven months pregnant and George totally consumed with pre-season crab gear work and the boat, but I volunteered anyway.
Ryder reminds me a bit of our beloved Toby, who passed away last spring, and the kids adore him. Although I don’t especially need one more thing to take care of, Ryder is a good boy and it’s sort of nice having a sweet pitbull in the house again. 
4. The new Toby Keith CD, Clancy’s Tavern. I absolutely love Toby Keith; his creative writing, lyrics, humor, melody, musical talent and ability to put out one amazing CD after the next without a dud in between keep me first in line whenever he releases something new. I’ve been to three of his concerts and although I’ve missed a few lately, I am going to the next one when he comes back by my neck of the woods.
5. Last but never least, my precious pumpkin of a niece, Autumn, who turns one on Saturday and who came by our house on Halloween for some trick or treating. She is the cutest thing ever and a true original.
I’m Pretty Sure the Crew Doesn’t Cry Over Broccoli.
I don’t think anyone is more excited than me for the iPhone 4S to make its début on Friday. I’ve been eligible for an upgrade for at least two years, but I’ve put it off because I kept waiting for iPhone 5 to come out. Well, the heck with more waiting; the 4S is going to be amazing and I’m clearing my schedule for Friday so I can go get the phone and then play with it all day and night.
George has continued work on the boat every day to get a jump on it before the Dungeness crab crew shows up. In fact, he just warned me today that he’s working this weekend as well. I’ve tried to get him to stick around the house and hang out with me a bit now and again when it’s nice and quiet and the kids are at school, but no dice. The boat’s still hauled out, paint has arrived, the welder is coming….
I have already consulted with my parents, though, and they are going to have the kids over one weekend before crab season starts and the baby arrives. In fact, my mom put it on my kitchen calendar herself. I’ll be sure and give G plenty of advance warning. If he still can’t make it, I’ll just pack my little bag and head to the nearest fancy hotel for a spa day and a night of fine dining and rest. :)
It occurred to me the other day that having your firstborn in kindergarten is a lot like when your firstborn was a newborn. Like a brand new mom in awe over her baby, I’m so proud of everything Eva is doing. Look, Eva is the line leader for the field trip! Awe; look how cute she is in her jeans and cowgirl boots! Look how she gets off the bus! Oh, that’s cute! She’s checking out library books! She’s leaving little notes with practice writing all over the house! What a sweet, smart girl!
Remember how the hospital photographer comes around before you leave with your newborn and you study the portrait packages, agonizing over which one to choose? That’s how it went yesterday with Eva’s first official school pictures. As I did when she was born, I went a bit overboard on the package and the extras. If you are on my Christmas card list, be prepared to receive a wallet-sized picture of Eva. Or a mini-wallet-sized picture of Eva. In fact, I have so many pictures of Eva coming I could send one to all my Facebook friends.
Or…I can provide you with a refrigerator magnet of Eva. How about a bookmark of Eva? Door hanger? Sticker? Better yet, if you receive Christmas gifts from me, you may well have an Eva gift tag attached to your present this year.
Not to be left out, of course, is my sweet buddy, Vincent. I’m constantly amazed at the growth he’s shown in his first month of preschool. For the first time, he’s showing interest in art and receiving compliments on his work. He’s recognizing his name and attempting to write it. He’s memorizing and singing all the songs he learns. And just yesterday, while bike riding with Grandpa, he mastered pedaling and balance without training wheels or assists.
He even accompanied Eva’s kindergarten class on their field trip to the fire station and I was so proud of the way he listened so well to the firemen, raised his hand to ask questions, and walked with the group in an orderly fashion.
Vincent is determined to work on the boat and be “as big and strong as Daddy” when he grows up. We used this to our advantage at the dinner table this week when Vincent refused to eat a nice dinner (prepared by G, of course).
“I don’t like potatoes,” he announced. “I don’t eat steak. Don’t want broccoli. I want bread.”
“Wow,” I said. “You know that you won’t grow up to be big and strong enough to work on the boat with Bryan and Brett if you don’t eat your healthy food, right?
“Do you think Bryan sits at the galley table and says ‘I don’t like potatoes!’ And I’m pretty sure Brett doesn’t sit next to him and cry over broccoli. If you want to be strong like they are, you’d better have another bite of steak.”
George chimed in with a couple of words about sending people who complain about dinner into the hatch to finish it up, but that only made us laugh. Eventually, Vincent did eat his entire dinner.
Will be back tomorrow with a report on the new iPhone 4S! Can’t wait!
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Fishing Mommy Down (But Not Out!)
It’s a day on the couch for me. Here’s a bit of advice; if you have a cough that lingers for a week and is not suppressed or helped in any way by cough medicine or Musinex, you might want to go to the doctor. Especially if you are in the middle of a pregnancy.
Don’t give your strange cough seven days, then ten, and then fourteen, thinking it’s got to get better at some point! By the time you enter your third week of gagging, throwing up, and coughing, you might find out what you really had to begin with was viral bronchitis. And when viral bronchitis doesn’t get treated, it becomes bacterial bronchitis. And when that goes untreated, it becomes walking pneumonia….which is what I have now and why I’m on the couch with doctor’s (and husband’s) orders to REST!
I “should have” gone in to the doctor a long time ago, but I’m not an alarmist and I figured it was a simple back-to-school cough that would go away soon. It will go away soon now that I’m on antibiotics and prescription cough syrup.
When you’re a mom of active children, though, what can you do? You keep going. We had school and preschool to get to, open houses, ballet, gymnastics, Jazzercise, and church. We aren’t super busy but we do enjoy these activities and I certainly can’t sit around when we have things to do.
I’m accustomed to keeping going without a lot of help no matter how I’m feeling because that’s what a fishing mom does. Nobody is going to come over to get Eva dressed for ballet, or convince Vincent to eat his breakfast, and there’s no way I’m missing the open house and potluck at school.
G is a huge help when he’s here, but he’s back to work at the harbor and the boat. He had the boat hauled out for bottom painting and is also working on an overhaul of the refrigeration in preparation for the Dungeness crab season.
I did suddenly start to feel bad for the new baby, though, like I wasn’t taking good care of her. My tummy started to pull and hurt when I coughed, and I worried that if it was bacterial, that would definitely not good for a baby. To help ease my guilt I finally went and bought a pink baby book for her and a frame for one of her ultrasound pictures. Then, when G told me to call the doctor, I agreed it was probably time!
Onward and upward. Let the antibiotics and cough medicine do the trick and Mommy will be up and running again in no time.
"Dad, I think the leak is right here. If we could just tighten up this socket a bit..."
"Aw, let's just forget it and go have a popsicle instead."
Adding the first picture of the third child to the family collection.
Slow Down, World. You’re Moving Too Fast For Mommy.
I have not slept well at all for the last month and I’ve been more jittery than usual during the day. (No, it isn’t from alcohol withdrawal due to my being pregnant! LOL.) It’s because I don’t deal very well with change and everything is changing at a pace I’m not comfortable with.
First, the end of summer vacation. It hasn’t been much of a vacation as our weather did not cooperate this year, but still. In about two weeks, my first-born baby is headed to kindergarten and my second-born baby will be in preschool each day. This means that for the first time since I actually held a “real” job (eleven years ago), I will be getting up at 6 a.m. each day to get us all ready for the long day ahead. Five days a week, every week, for the next nine months.
It’s not that I can’t get up early; it’s more that I like the freedom of taking our mornings nice and easy, choosing our pace and deciding how to spend the day. We’ve always had some obligation (Jazzercise, Eva’s preschool) but nothing we were absolutely compelled to do or for which we required permission to miss.
A few months ago, when our school district went to all-day, every day kindergarten, we balked. We started looking into private kindergartens and did a lot of research. In the end, we opted for public school as Eva was set to attend a very small, reputable, nearby, historic 1920s elementary kindergarten in our neighborhood. In addition, her best friend was attending the same school which thrilled Eva. We toured the school, met the kindergarten teachers, saw the cafeteria, met the librarian, and turned in all her paperwork.
Last week, I got a call notifying me that there had been a mistake and in fact, after all that, Eva was not actually attending that school!
As it turns out, our house is literally on the border between two schools and we are supposed to go to the other one. (If we lived in our neighbor’s house, we’d be at the first school.)
I started tossing and turning all night, wondering whether to transfer Eva to the school we thought we were going to or simply have her attend the school she’s supposed to. I made calls to each school and the district and decided it would not be worth the hassle to have her transfer. I’d have to renew the transfer every year in March and wait months to see if it was approved, so we’d never know until August each year where she was going to school. There would also be no guarantee she’d stay at the school throughout her elementary years or that Vincent would go with her to the same school next year or in years to come.
Way too much of a pain.
So, Eva’s going to the school she’s supposed to attend. What I like about the “new” school is that it is even smaller than the original one! It’s a tiny, even more historic (1904) old schoolhouse atop a hill just four streets over from the first school. Her kindergarten teacher is a gal I even know who is just a few years older than me. She was actually a teaching assistant in one of my college classes while she was getting her Master’s and I was getting my Bachelor’s.
In addition, her husband is a commercial fisherman and they have three daughters, making them a fishing family like us. I was even on the same salmon seine crew with her husband years ago on my dad’s boat up in Southeast Alaska!
I feel comfortable knowing Eva will be in the hands of someone I know personally and who understands our lifestyle and Daddy’s comings and goings. Between G’s rigorous fishing schedule and the impending arrival of a new baby in January, Eva has a big year ahead and I like that I won’t have to keep explaining to someone exactly the way we operate.
So, I’m filling out Eva’s kindergarten paperwork and assessment information, Vincent’s preschool paperwork, getting the kids to the doctor for appointments and vaccinations, and trying not to feel anxious about Wednesday September 7, when we find out if this new baby is a girl or a boy.
Oh, and did I mention I’m also trying to get used to the idea of selling my fun little Infiniti G 35x? That’s right. Eva, Vincent and I currently cruise all over town in my sporty car, but it will be too tight with three kids/carseats and a momma.
Bye bye, little car.
George and I have researched several seven-passenger SUVs, crossovers, and mini vans for the kids and me. We’ve looked at, test driven, and considered the Toyota Sequoia, Highlander, and Sienna, the Honda Odyssey and Pilot, the Acura MDX, the three-row Volvo, and the Ford Flex.
The good news right now is we are escaping town and my Mom’s Plan-It desk calendar for a week before the madness begins. We’re going to bunker in at the coast where we don’t have Internet or cell coverage. Hello to my parent’s beach house, my books, bacon and sourdough toast for breakfast, and wearing jammies all day. Can’t wait! :)
Here are a few pictures from the last month or two; as usual, the picture quality isn’t very good because my iPhone is a couple years old. The iPhone 5 is supposedly coming out in October so I’m still holding out for that version, as it comes with an 8 mega pixel camera and flash.
Eva with the map of Puget Sound she created at art camp.
Eva's map featured the Strait of Georgia, which we told her helped Daddy find his way home from Alaska! :)
My little pirates at our friend Danielle's pirate birthday party in July.
The scariest face painting I've seen in a while, courtesy of the farmer's market at the Village Green.
Bike helmets and jammies on a summer morning. What could be more fun?
Vincent's little John Deere 4th birthday party in July.
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Benefits of Being Married to a Long Distance Spouse
Everyone knows—or can at least imagine—how difficult it is to be married to someone who is gone more often than he is home. Some spouses are gone during the week and home on weekends, some are gone for three months and home for nine, others are gone for nine and home for three.
We’re all aware of the difficulties of being responsible for each meal, clean-up, laundry, running around, paying bills, feeding animals, maintaining exercise, making beds, shopping for and putting away groceries, and filling the vehicles with gas. By ourselves, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
I was thinking about this last week, when the lawn mowing service was set to come and I needed to get in the backyard and clean up the dog poop before they arrived so they would mow it.
I put on my dog poop shoes, grabbed the shovel, and entered the section of the yard designated “dog yard”. I was three piles into it when my eleven-week-old pregnancy hormones kicked in along with the smell and sight of my work, and I began throwing up. Repeatedly.
“It’s okay, Mommy!” my five-year-old Eva called. “I’ll go get you some water! Just stay there!”
“It’s okay, Honey!” I called to her, eyes blurry from tears and nose running, still gagging. “Mommy’s okay. But can you get me some tissue, too?”
I stood heaving next to the shovel for the two minutes my daughter hustled to help me out. I thought about stopping my task, as it obviously wasn’t going well. But I quickly remembered the lawn service won’t mow over the poop, and then I’d be stuck with overgrown grass and even more poop later.
Next, I thought about the dinner that still needed to be made, teeth that needed brushing, dishes that had to be cleaned, and the tuck-in and prayers that needed to be said. All still ahead of me, and I was the only one who was there to do it.
So, of course, I did it. A couple days later, as I reflected on that especially long day and evening, I thought it would be fun to play a game and see how many positive aspects of married single motherhood I could come up with. The following is my list.
Benefits of Being Married to a Long Distance Spouse
1. I’m Perfectly Capable of Doing Things Alone. I have no problem talking to doctors, looking at ultrasounds, getting kids to birthday parties, and attending functions by myself. I can shut the house down and get everyone into bed, snuggled and peaceful, all by myself. I can also get everyone up, fed, dressed, and out the door in the morning. Not saying that’s without a certain amount of raised voices or whatnot, but I get it done!
2. I Have Physical Strength. I can haul eight bags of groceries up my stairs, four in each hand, and then walk back down the stairs to retrieve sleeping children and pack them up the stairs one by one and lay them on the couch to continue their naps without waking.
3. I Value Women’s Friendships. I enjoy talking to my Jazzercise friends, fishing moms, preschool teachers, ballet and gymnastics moms, writers, bloggers, book group moms, and online moms who all offer so much support, encouragement, advice, and humor on all aspects of parenting.
4. I Enjoy Lots of Snuggle Time with the Kids. Each morning, we sit together on our extra-wide recliner to drink milk and coffee and watch the news. At night, we sit together on Eva’s bed for prayers, a song, and a group hug. I get the privilege of enjoying all this bonding and memory-making.
5. I Can Make My Own Decisions. If I constantly waited for G’s input or go-ahead to do things, I would do absolutely nothing. I’ve adopted two dogs, fostered dogs, purchased a couch and a chair, and looked at potential houses to buy all on my own. While I wouldn’t make any major decisions alone, G has full faith in my ability to make good decisions and to act on them.
6. I Am Available to Attend All of the Kids’ Activities. I’ve never had to miss a ballet performance, gymnastics show, preschool graduation, or swimming lesson. We have also taken road trips together, just the three of us, and have a good time listening to music, stopping for food, and making up new jokes.
7. I Have Total Remote Control. At night, I can flop on the couch and catch up on all the programs I like but that totally annoy G when he’s home.
8. My Kids Have a Special Bond With Their Grandparents. They absolutely love spending time with my parents. My dad recently spent a week building them a playground in the backyard, complete with an extra slide, telescopes, monkey bars, swings, and ship’s wheels. My mom took them to the mall last weekend to get pictures taken with their cousin and rode the mall train with them a time or two.
9. I Get To Hear All the Funny Things They Say. I laugh and then record in a journal their sweet little sayings. A couple of recent gems:
“You aren’t as smart as me, but you’re still a sweet Mommy.” –Eva, 5.
“You guys are ballerinas. We are working mans.” —Vincent, 4, referring to Eva and me, Daddy and him.
10. I’m Always Grateful for G’s Help When He’s Home. Each and everything he does to help out is huge, no matter how small or large the task, and I’m grateful not to have to “do everything.” Taking out garbage, sorting recycling, emptying the dishwasher…it’s all noticed and appreciated!
11. My Marriage is Never Boring or Annoying. Each time G arrives home from a fishing season is a momentous occasion of celebration. And because he’s not usually here for long after he does arrive, each hour and day and week is spent just happy to be together again. We never repeat conversations, badger each other, or become bored. There’s just no time!
Fishing marriages either disintegrate quickly or last forever. After eleven years of being together and nine years of marriage, I’m grateful that we’re as excited to see and spend time with each other as we were following the day we met.
12. My Kids Learn How to Get Along. The children are aware that it’s just them and me holding down the fort when Dad’s gone, so we have to cooperate and get along. If we say or do anything regretful, we quickly apologize, forgive, and move on. If the day was a total disaster, we sit together before bed and talk about how each new morning is a fresh chance to start over, try again, and do better.
13. My Kids’ Daddy Is a Hero. The kids ask every day about their dad. They want to know where he is, what he’s fishing for, who’s on the crew, when he’s bringing the boat home. When Daddy comes home, he’s their hero and he fills their little worlds with amazement, joy, and excitement. Then I get to sit back, relax, and let the three of them create their own memories and strengthen their bonds.
Like this:
Go Visit the New Website, Happy Homefront!
It takes quite a bit to knock me off the married-single-mother-of-two thing I have going, but this ten-week-old unexpected pregnancy has really done it. I am pretty sure I was never this sick with the first two. I remember feeling “seasick” with each of them for a couple of hours a day, but then it passed and didn’t return until the next day.
This time…forget it. I wake up feeling like crap, feel awful throughout the day, get worse at night, and then finally and gratefully pass out into sleep.
I’ve started looking around the house to determine what I can cut back on so I’m not constantly looking at piles of things that need to be done. I began to wonder why I have twelve loads of laundry to do each week when it’s just two small children and me at home, and my washing machine is a front-loader that holds a lot.
And why is my dishwasher constantly full of dishes, along with my sink? I don’t even cook that much! How does the headboard on my bed collect so much dust when the only thing I do in my room is sleep? And didn’t I just vaccuum…this morning?
I rarely feel that things are getting away from me but they sort of are at the moment. The one awesome thing is that my dad spent an entire week building the kids a playground for the backyard complete with slide, two swings, a swinging bar, picnic bench, upstairs and downstairs clubhouse. Soon to come is the ship’s wheel, a telescope, and perhaps some monkey bars.
The kids absolutely love it; Eva swings quietly by herself until 8:00 each evening with her little tan legs extended straight out, head leaning back, staring at the sky. And then she’s back at it 7:30 the next morning. The swing set is a huge help; now I don’t feel like I need to take the little ones to the park all the time and I can shoo them outside, knowing they are safe and have something to do in the fresh air.
One of the most helpful things I’ve discovered online in a while is the brand new website, Happy Homefront. If you have not checked it out yet, please go over and cruise around, and then sign up and join the Happy Homefront community!
Happy Homefront is a site entirely dedicated to the “geographically challenged” family. I knew this was going to be a valuable resource when I first heard about it on our Facebook group, Commercial Fishing Families & Friends, and I have not been disappointed. Each time I go over to visit, I discover something I missed before.
The pages are divided into categories that have subheadings. Here is a sampling of what you will find:
- Resources— Connecting guide, checklists, emotional health, legal issues, travel/moving, tools.
- Homefront— Arrivals/departures.
- Parenting— Positive parenting, kids health, traveling tips, entertainment.
- Self— Support, time for me, stress management, fitness, looking and feeling good.
- Fun
- Connect— Groups and Blogs. Groups available to join include transportation, airline industry, military, oil/gas/mining, fishing, government, business, sports and entertainment.
- My Page– Upload a photo, post to Twitter, join a group.
- Shop— Discounts, coupons, books.
One of my new discoveries on Happy Homefront today was the incredible list of books they’ve compiled for the geographically challenged family. I had not heard of most of the books, and I plan to order several for our library, especially the ones written for children on saying goodbye to one parent or the other when he or she must go for work and won’t be home for a while.
Happy Homefront has also made it easy to look for books on other subjects by providing direct links to topics of arrivals and departures, connecting, travel, meals, kids’ entertainment, kids health, positive parenting, time and stress, fitness, entertainment and books.
I encourage you all to go over and lend your support to this website. I receive many visitors to Highliners and Homecomings from the commercial fishing community looking for support and encouragement for themselves, their children, their husbands, and otherwise. That’s the whole reason I started this blog in the first place. Finding myself at home alone more months of the year than not, and then with children, I wanted to touch base with others like me.
Happy Homefront has reminded me that there are many others out there in the “same boat” as us, all around the country, from different industries and professions. Let’s keep connecting!
www.happyhomefront.net
